The Connection between Parenting Styles and Bullying Behaviors
Copyright: Lisa Pescara-Kovach, Ph.D. The University of Toledo, Toledo, OH 43606
Contact Information: Phone: 419-530-2048
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There is a clear connection between the way we parent our children and whether they become victims or perpetrators of bullying behaviors. This is in no way geared toward placing blame. Instead, it's a great way to strive to be the best parent/caregiver possible.
There are 4 Parenting/Caregiving Styles (Baumrind,1967 *Reference available on request):
1) Authoritarian - This is the style that uses violence and intimidation to get results from children. Specifically, this is the "do as I say because I said so" approach to raising children. Kids are expected to:
-obey authority without question
-accept the most severe form of punishment every time they break a rule
*This style leads to a child being raised as a bully. Why? A child who feels weak and powerless at home may want to feel powerful at school by bullying his/her classmates. If we model violence in our home, our children may learn by example and become violent as well.
2) Permissive - This is the type of style that is defined by the caregiver wanting nothing more than to be a child's best friend. There are no rules and the child is allowed to express himself or herself freely, even if it hurts someone else. Kids are allowed to:
-harm their parents/caretakers, peers, or siblings without consequence
-blame others for their own misbehavior
*This style also leads to a child being raised as a bully. Why? A child who gets away with everything at home, and is never told what he or she did is harmful, will not develop the empathy he or she needs to treat others with respect. This style in particular leads to aggressive-hostile children who feel it's their right to insult, mistreat, or bully their peers.
3) Rejecting/Neglecting - This is the style that is defined by parental absence or negligence. There are no rules, structure, or guidance. The parents or caregivers do not know their child's likes or dislikes, successes or failures.
Kids are allowed to:
-come and go as they please
-be alone and never get the appropriate attention
*This style leads to a child allowing himself or herself to be a victim of bullying behaviors. Unfortunately, children raised in this type of environment do not receive praise or attention and, consequently, do not develop high levels of self-worth. They become "easy targets" by classmates.
4) Authoritative - This is the ideal parenting style that is NOT associated with bullying behaviors. Why? When we raise children in a democratic fashion, and accept and respect them, they will carry it forward and respect others.
Kids are raised with:
-open communication
-rules that are explained clearly
-fair and balanced discipline
*This parenting style is NOT associated with bullying behaviors. These children will learn through the modeling of positive behaviors and observational learning and carry forth the open communication, respect, and acceptance.
Cyber Bullying!
Bullying has become high-tech. With social networking, smart phones, and countless other ways for kids to communicate it is sometimes hard to keep up. Below is a link to an excellent resource for parents. If you are aware of anything inappropriate that may be happening, please alert the school immediately.
A Child May Be the Victim of Cyberbullying if he or she:
Stops using the computer
Appears nervous or jumpy when an instant message or e-mail arrives
Appears uneasy about going to school or out of the house
Appears to be angry, depressed, or frustrated after using the computer
Avoids discussions about what he or she is doing on the computer
Becomes abnormally withdrawn from usual friends and family members
Withdraws from activities
Shows a drop in academic performance
Is the target of other forms of bullying
Appears depressed
A Child May Be Engaging in Cyberbullying if he or she:
Quickly switches screens or closes computer programs when you walk by
Uses the computer at all hours
Becomes unusually upset if he or she cannot use the computer
Laughs excessively when using the computer
Avoids discussions about what she or he is doing on the computer
Uses multiple online accounts or one with an unfamiliar name
In Lebrun, M. (2009). Books, Blackboards, and Bullets: School Shootings and Violence in America. Lanham. Rowman and Littlefield Education Publishers.
Technology!
The world of technology is growing by the minute. The link below is an excellent resource to both parents and children on how to navigate safely through the high-tech world. This information not only protects from cyberbullying, but also potects from identity theft. Dr. Sabella provides many resources and links for the entire family. I highly recommend this website.
The link below contains tips for parents adapted from Dr. Russell Sabella's website:
***We work hard to make school a safe learning environment for every student. Periodically, I will meet with students both individually and in small groups to educate, mediate and provide support. If you feel your child has been mistreated in any way please contact the school at your earliest convenience.
